From the Muddy Waters

Conflict can be helpful in making necessary changes within the home or work environment. However, unresolved conflict can result in feelings of dissatisfaction, unhappiness, hopelessness, depression, and other emotions. It can result in behaviors such as physical or emotional withdrawal, resignation from jobs, dissolution of personal relations, aggression, and even violence.” - Mary Rau-Foster

And so it happened. The differences and obvious clashes within us at work have just emerged from the muddy waters.

From this point in time, I learned more about the realism of my workplace and any other workplace in general. You see just this week, I learned that group behavior is totally not the way my former managerial books have conceptualized it. You know, I used to think about employees caring for each other, going out to the beach, chatting all together when its time to go home, sharing laughter, and any smiling faces I often see in most of our HR press releases. I was wrong. Books will just stay there in our shelves just for principles and concepts to reflect but not entirely to follow all its idealism that’s why these smiling faces in press releases, unison of the minds of employees, and all jazz are just kept there to realize that it is all too impossible to achieve consistently. They are just all too far from any book’s idealism that we could always merge in one thought, beliefs, and principles. That is all too impossible. There can still be clashes or contradicting personalities emerging from the muddy waters. (I would call it muddy to symbolize the social world of my workplace in particular).

Emerging from the muddy waters, there are those people who lacks understanding or worse do not let themselves digest and implement what they had understood. There are likewise those people who are illogical, bias, and totally out of context in sharing their view in matters of most importance. Their minds were overruled by being so self embracing more considerate to themselves from the company. Worse, they put work as their dwelling place for their craziness to express more what they cannot express at home. They are going to the extremity of making what should a professional place into a chaotic market-like environment.

On the other part of the muddy waters, there emerge those people of fine tone whom I could trust and put it primarily in my friends list. They are those people who are of most admired through their attitudes and the way they could handle situations. They knew proper etiquette, respect, and the basic lesson of being even. They used their minds more than the physical. That’s why they emerged in the muddy waters clean, polished, and shimmering for their every action is well planned and implemented. They are logical, balanced, and always on their feet closely using their minds before any particular action. They are also company oriented or driven.

There are also those people I would label as “the others” whom don’t have any idea of what is happening around them or maybe they just don’t care at all. They were simply neutral nearly has ignorance of what really happened. Basically, they just don’t want to join in with the clash. They would just remain silent relatively safe from conflicts or they just don’t want to be affected after all. Usually, they wear smiling faces most of the time quite ignorant about the wars on his or her sides.

These are the characters of my workplace which I am spending the biggest part of my career or perhaps my whole working life. My work week takes up five whole days that are planned completely around the job. I wake up at a certain time, dress a certain way, and commute to a certain place for only one reason: face ALL of them at work. It is usually here that a great many relationships are formed. The people around me make up an important aspect of my job, and the stage is set by whatever tones these work relationships have. It is just so disappointing that I am now experiencing a rotten tone of work relationship.

I want it to be fixed – that is, to make everything in order.

I just read an Oracle Magazine, in which I would say is extremely relevant to what I am saying so far in this chapter. I want to share this excerpt from the said magazine:

Where there are people, there is the potential for conflict. And it doesn’t take an HR expert to realize that unresolved conflict in the workplace can be costly—in terms of low morale and productivity, litigation, sabotage, or even violence—which is why organizations increasingly view conflict resolution skills as a core competency for many employees.

According to Kathy Stewart, vice president of client services for Chorda , which partners with organizations to design conflict management systems, many employees are choosing to ignore conflict rather than resolve it. With increased uncertainty about roles, reporting structures, and power differentials, they fear they could get hurt politically if they make a wrong move.
But, handled correctly, conflict isn’t necessarily negative. It can be an opportunity to solve problems. There are four main ways, Stewart says, that people deal with conflict:

Avoidance. Or just hoping the situation will go away. This is the initial step of a party which relatively concludes that nothing is to be fixed after all. In other words, the other party might be in bad taste already having a reputation of not listening to any form of confrontation.

Avoidance includes division or dissection of the team forming their own groups and peers. In the long run, an individual will not feel good once merge with the other group and vice versa.

Higher authority. Allowing a third party, such as a supervisor or an HR person, to make a decision for the parties. Arbitration and litigation are also higher-authority processes. For, instance, the party will leave the issue to the HR to bring appropriate actions to the one affected.

Power play. Forcing a particular resolution upon the other party—for instance, sit-ins, strikes, sabotage or worse mass resignation.

Collaboration. This process occurs through individual initiative, conversation, negotiation, or mediation.

“The preferred path, or the least costly route for problem-solving, is to use collaboration first, with higher authority as a backup,” notes Stewart.

How could we use collaboration?

Resolve issues early. Deal with problems as they arise rather than allowing them to escalate.
Listen on a deeper level. Try to understand the other person’s position before you speak—and listen to the underlying interests that motivate that position. Let’s say somebody asks you for a raise. Rather than responding, “No, we don’t have the budget for it,” creatively explore all options with that person. Perhaps what the person really desires is recognition, which could be addressed in other ways.

Be conversational, not confrontational. If you’re having problems with someone, approach that person in a non-confrontational way. It is often helpful to disclose something about yourself so that your attempt is perceived as less a confrontation than a conversation. (For example: “I wonder if you can help me better understand how you see our various roles and responsibilities.”) That way, you’re inviting the other person around to your side of the table to look at the problem together.

Build a Kinder Workplace. There are other ways to reframe how you think about conflict. Tom Terez, founder of BetterWorkplaceNow.com and author of 22 Keys to Creating a Meaningful Workplace, would like to see people focus on conflict prevention. “We need to think about how we can build the bonds of our relationships such that we minimize conflict and also so that when conflict does occur, we are equipped to deal with it,” says Terez, who offers this advice:

Pay attention to those first 30 seconds. How you initiate a conversation is critical. If the first minute is negative, the rest of the conversation will be too. Avoid sounding skeptical, antagonistic, or disrespectful. Also, say what you mean instead of playing games. Likewise, if someone else is the initiator, it’s critical that you’re conscious of how you respond to that “bid” to engage. You should turn toward rather than away from the person.

Realize that nobody’s perfect. You can have all the conflict resolution skills in the world, but some people are hard to get along with. BetterWorkplaceNow.com offers advice for dealing with limelight hogs, pessimists, control freaks, and other trying types, in its “Difficult Dozen Help Zone.” But a kinder workplace isn’t built in a day. You have to think long-term and be willing, as Terez says, to “do the heavy lifting of building your relationships.”



In addendum, I have also this 7 commandment in the workplace that I remembered posted in my former office. I just hope that the team will embraced these commandments. I just love these commandments as my former officemates usually recite these whenever we feel future conflicts to arise or there might be some misunderstandings within ourselves during our meetings. :)


Seven Commandments to Embrace in the Workplace

1. We are Solution Oriented, Not Problem Focused. When identifying any problem, we always provide at least 1 solution.

2. We seek to have all of our customers and team members feel “Trusted, Important, Special and Pleased” through respectful verbal and non-verbal communication.

3. We address any workplace conflict within 24 hours or it did not happen.

4. We look for the good in other people, recognizing if we don’t we’ll never know any good people.

5. We refrain from destructive inner-office gossip recognizing the negative impact on our team.

6. We have fun working together and celebrate our accomplishments.

7. We begin each work-day with a positive greeting, recognizing the first 15 minutes of the day often sets the team environment#.